Letting Go
I had an eventful weekend.
One that reminded me how little control I actually have (I don’t know about you, but I need these reminders from time to time).
It also reminded me of what is it like to fully rely on God.
To place everything in His hands and be at peace.
It’s a hard thing for me to do.
The day began like any other.
I woke up, rolled over, and rubbed my wife’s baby belly. My son kicked back at me. I was grateful to know he was in there.
It was my morning off from the gym, so in lieu of working out I french pressed some coffee and sat down to write. I was getting ready to leave for my office when I got the call.
It was my wife. She was rear-ended in traffic.
She is also 7 months pregnant.
I can’t even verbalize the range of emotions I experienced, much less the flurry of thoughts that induced vertigo as they flew through my head.
In my confusion/anger/helplessness/disbelief, I did the only thing, and I mean the only thing, that I could think of.
I dropped to my knees and prayed.
Instinctually.
Fervently.
With total abandon.
To be honest, I haven’t prayed like this (out of immediate personal need) in a long time. I was praying before I even knew what I was doing, and harder than ever before as I struggled to do the one thing I didn’t want to…
Let go. Relinquish the illusion of control.
The rest of the day was a blur. When my wife went to visit our birthing center, they measured a couple contractions close together. We got scared again. Is he coming early? Is he injured?
After some time, we went home to continue monitoring the situation. The next two days were spent together. What began again as worry and uncertainty gave way to us resting, praying, and believing for our baby’s (and mommy’s) health. It was powerful moment for us.
But, we had to come to a place of letting go. A place of faith.
A place of peace.
So what happened?
To finish the story, my family is doing well. We had an amazing number of family and friends praying with us, who we are eternally grateful for. The contractions have stopped and I still feel little man moving around in there, making his presence known.
Now I see with greater clarity how much I have to be thankful for. This accident ultimately brought Casey and I into a deeper reliance and relationship with God, and with each other.
Maybe I’ll remember this time how little control I have, and I will continue to let go each morning lest I get comfortable and need reminding.
Your turn. When was the last time you had to let go? Share your story in the comments (and if you enjoyed this, consider sharing it on twitter or facebook).
About Cole Bradburn
I'm a writer and doctor in lifelong pursuit of health, happiness, and adventure. I currently live in Raleigh, NC with the love of my life and our amazing boys.
Beautiful, Cole, thank you for sharing!
Thanks Stacey. Appreciate your kind words!
Indeed scary stuff. Great writing and capturing the evolution of the emotions and ultimate realization at the end of the whole ordeal.
Great comments Cole. It doesn’t always turn out this well and we have to let go realize that God’s purpose is higher than ours. As you may know Autumn’s older brother was fatally injured in a horse accident as a 6 year old. I went through a range emotions that were what you would expect. Ultimately we came out on the other side with little understanding but realizing that we will see him by and by… At this point you begin to really understand the comment, “to snuff someone.” Life is vapor, a tentative flame that just one right or wrong puff can end. Thank God it appears OK for you 3 for now… You can use this incident to guide on to higher things…
Regards, Dr. Dan
Thanks for sharing your wisdom Dan. Our life on Earth is incredibly fragile and resilient at the same time. I think this is a great point you mentioned: you have to be okay with having little understanding.
Cole,
Whew, I was holding my breath for you during the post! Glad to hear your wife and son are healthy, and your time to hold that new baby is close. Exciting!
Letting go. Geeesh. Job situations, future plans, nine-year-old friend drama (sounds small, but you just wait!).
Great space you have here. Glad you found me, so I could find you through THC.
I have a feeling that 9 year old drama isn’t small at all! Plus, returning to work after the baby arrives, balancing work and time with him… seems overwhelming.
I’m so glad you came by, thanks for leaving your thoughts.
Glad to hear you wife and son are ok. Reading this made me all tense up.
Letting go and trusting in God is sometimes a challenge when going through a situation like this but it’s the best thing to do.
Thank you Dan, we have so much to be grateful for.
It’s funny that even when you know it is the best thing to do, it can still be so hard. You always think there “is something you can do.” Thanks for your comments!
Nice post. Glad to hear everything worked out well in the end. I have to admit I was scared to finish the post, but assumed a happy end of course. I’ve been in a situation of lacking control so many numerous times and we all are every day for one thing or another. It’s foolish to expect having control over everything; but I guess we need it. Hold it there and in 2 months all this will be behind you.
Thanks for your thoughts Sophie. Sometimes I wonder if we truly do need the idea of control, or if we are just so uncomfortable with letting it go that we rely on it or believe in it’s illusion for the sake of ease.
Your words helped me a lot. God Bless u & your family.
Thank you Pasiva, I’m glad to be of help.