I had an eventful weekend.
One that reminded me how little control I actually have (I don’t know about you, but I need these reminders from time to time).
It also reminded me of what is it like to fully rely on God.
To place everything in His hands and be at peace.
It’s a hard thing for me to do.
The day began like any other.
I woke up, rolled over, and rubbed my wife’s baby belly. My son kicked back at me. I was grateful to know he was in there.
It was my morning off from the gym, so in lieu of working out I french pressed some coffee and sat down to write. I was getting ready to leave for my office when I got the call.
It was my wife. She was rear-ended in traffic.
She is also 7 months pregnant.
I can’t even verbalize the range of emotions I experienced, much less the flurry of thoughts that induced vertigo as they flew through my head.
In my confusion/anger/helplessness/disbelief, I did the only thing, and I mean the only thing, that I could think of.
I dropped to my knees and prayed.
With total abandon.
To be honest, I haven’t prayed like this (out of immediate personal need) in a long time. I was praying before I even knew what I was doing, and harder than ever before as I struggled to do the one thing I didn’t want to…
Let go. Relinquish the illusion of control.
The rest of the day was a blur. When my wife went to visit our birthing center, they measured a couple contractions close together. We got scared again. Is he coming early? Is he injured?
After some time, we went home to continue monitoring the situation. The next two days were spent together. What began again as worry and uncertainty gave way to us resting, praying, and believing for our baby’s (and mommy’s) health. It was powerful moment for us.
But, we had to come to a place of letting go. A place of faith.
A place of peace.
So what happened?
To finish the story, my family is doing well. We had an amazing number of family and friends praying with us, who we are eternally grateful for. The contractions have stopped and I still feel little man moving around in there, making his presence known.
Now I see with greater clarity how much I have to be thankful for. This accident ultimately brought Casey and I into a deeper reliance and relationship with God, and with each other.
Maybe I’ll remember this time how little control I have, and I will continue to let go each morning lest I get comfortable and need reminding.
Your turn. When was the last time you had to let go? Share your story in the comments (and if you enjoyed this, consider sharing it on twitter or facebook).
About Cole Bradburn
I'm a writer and doctor in lifelong pursuit of health, happiness, and adventure. I currently live in Raleigh, NC with the love of my life and our amazing boys.